I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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