I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
