I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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