I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
