We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
