Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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