walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
