Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
