I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
