he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
