I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
