hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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