Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
