Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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