Please, let me fuck your mom
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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