I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
