you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
