We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
