we have officially lost it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
