she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
