There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
