Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
