Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
