Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
