I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
