I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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