I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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