my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
