Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This beer is not sobering me up at all
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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