guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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