I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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