I seem to have left my pride at pride
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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