i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
