Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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