yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
