I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
