Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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