I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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