She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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