Plan B is the new Plan A
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
