right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
