Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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