oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
