Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
