so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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