I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
