Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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