How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
