The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
