mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
