my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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