I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
